January 15.
I've found a couple more pages from the widely distributed Alternative
Highway Code from which John Crawford quotes (January 14).
''High-intensity rear lights are to be used at all times to dazzle
following drivers and make them think you're braking, except when
visibility is impaired by fog, spray, falling snow, or heavy rain, when
they should be turned off along with all other lights.
''Hazard warning lights must be used, whenever you triple-park to go
shopping or use an Autobank machine, to convey the message 'My car may
be causing a dangerous obstruction but I'll only be 15 minutes or so and
it's OK anyway because I've put these flashers on'.
''Indicating a right turn at traffic lights is mandatory but wait
until another motorist draws up behind you in the outside lane before
turning your indicator on; this is especially important when the inside
lane is already full of waiting traffic or motorists who have just
popped to the shops for 15 minutes (and who will be displaying hazard
warning flashers).
''Indicating a right turn at a roundabout may be replaced by a variety
of aggressive gestures aimed at any other road users who, believing you
intend going straight on in the absence of a signal to the contrary,
drive on to the roundabout into your path.
'' 'Back Off -- Baby On Board', 'Give my Child a Chance', and other
such stickers should be carefully positioned so as to obscure the
maximum rearward vision from your vehicle and should be displayed at all
times, whether you're carrying a baby as a passenger or not. This means
that, when some road user who has only a passing acquaintance with the
Highway Code involves you in a pile-up, the fire brigade can practise
searching for a non-existent child in the wreckage.
''If your car has been standing out all night and is covered with snow
or ice, don't bother clearing the windows and mirrors before using the
vehicle; the engine will warm up in 10 minutes or so of driving in
traffic and you will then be able to see the expressions of your fellow
drivers more clearly.''
I note that most of these advanced driving techniques seem to be
particularly well observed by drivers of expensive German saloon cars,
but sifting through the pages I was impressed by the authors'
non-partisan approach to all road users, no matter how humble their
chosen mode of transport:
''Traffic lights do not apply to cyclists, who may teeter across the
path of oncoming traffic or zip through a lane of pedestrians crossing
at a pelican when other traffic has been halted. If any other road user
should show his/her ignorance of the code by remonstrating with you,
draw attention to the environmental superiority of cycling and to
cyclists' high regard for safety (if you're wearing a piece of sculpted
foam rubber on your head) and then ride off haughtily, on whichever side
of the road you feel like.''
Mike Bennett,
20 Preston Place,
Glasgow.
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