January 15.

I've found a couple more pages from the widely distributed Alternative

Highway Code from which John Crawford quotes (January 14).

''High-intensity rear lights are to be used at all times to dazzle

following drivers and make them think you're braking, except when

visibility is impaired by fog, spray, falling snow, or heavy rain, when

they should be turned off along with all other lights.

''Hazard warning lights must be used, whenever you triple-park to go

shopping or use an Autobank machine, to convey the message 'My car may

be causing a dangerous obstruction but I'll only be 15 minutes or so and

it's OK anyway because I've put these flashers on'.

''Indicating a right turn at traffic lights is mandatory but wait

until another motorist draws up behind you in the outside lane before

turning your indicator on; this is especially important when the inside

lane is already full of waiting traffic or motorists who have just

popped to the shops for 15 minutes (and who will be displaying hazard

warning flashers).

''Indicating a right turn at a roundabout may be replaced by a variety

of aggressive gestures aimed at any other road users who, believing you

intend going straight on in the absence of a signal to the contrary,

drive on to the roundabout into your path.

'' 'Back Off -- Baby On Board', 'Give my Child a Chance', and other

such stickers should be carefully positioned so as to obscure the

maximum rearward vision from your vehicle and should be displayed at all

times, whether you're carrying a baby as a passenger or not. This means

that, when some road user who has only a passing acquaintance with the

Highway Code involves you in a pile-up, the fire brigade can practise

searching for a non-existent child in the wreckage.

''If your car has been standing out all night and is covered with snow

or ice, don't bother clearing the windows and mirrors before using the

vehicle; the engine will warm up in 10 minutes or so of driving in

traffic and you will then be able to see the expressions of your fellow

drivers more clearly.''

I note that most of these advanced driving techniques seem to be

particularly well observed by drivers of expensive German saloon cars,

but sifting through the pages I was impressed by the authors'

non-partisan approach to all road users, no matter how humble their

chosen mode of transport:

''Traffic lights do not apply to cyclists, who may teeter across the

path of oncoming traffic or zip through a lane of pedestrians crossing

at a pelican when other traffic has been halted. If any other road user

should show his/her ignorance of the code by remonstrating with you,

draw attention to the environmental superiority of cycling and to

cyclists' high regard for safety (if you're wearing a piece of sculpted

foam rubber on your head) and then ride off haughtily, on whichever side

of the road you feel like.''

Mike Bennett,

20 Preston Place,

Glasgow.