Every schoolkid knows that the words ‘Green Tory’ are an oxymoron. But I never imagined the campaign to reintroduce Tory parliamentary candidate James Morris into the wilderness of Halesowen and Rowley Regis would actually present a serious environmental threat...

And the nature of the threat? An incredible waste of precious paper. No less than THREE full page James Morris-themed advertising features have appeared in these pages in recent weeks, occupying just over ONE SQUARE FOOT of page area each. Multiplying the page area by the average circulation gives the incredible figure of THIRTY FIVE THOUSAND SQUARE FEET of paper used per James Morris advertising feature per week.

And the benefits of this exorbitant environmental cost? Firstly we have been able to learn that Mr Morris has drawn up a special signed contract apparently guaranteeing his fiscal honesty. It is not only sad to find a prospective MP already viewing the job through “perk goggles”; but unbelievably patronising to believe that voters will be grateful to be gifted with his honesty as a special favour. This worrying lack of perspective is not encouraging.

Secondly we have learned that Mr Morris is concerned to associate himself in the public eye with law and order – not exactly a startling revelation from a member of the Tory party.

And thirdly we are informed that Mr Morris has started a Job Club at what could be less than six months away from the next general election.

And that’s it: a total of over ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND SQUARE FEET of precious paper wasted on promoting what amounts to less than a handful of platitudes.

The Tory parliamentary candidate for Halesowen and Rowley Regis has thereby given what William Hague would call a “a strongly held impression” of being a man that is “talkin’ loud and sayin’ nothing” while hoping to cruise to an easy election victory on his leader’s coat tails. As it is, Mr Morris appears to struggle each week to fill the ONE SQUARE FOOT of expensive advertising space he “somehow” manages to afford. Perhaps he should consider how he could use his privileged access to this space in a more socially constructive fashion?

For example local businesses could sublet space within Mr Morris’s Halesowen News advertising features: “I always buy my coriander from [insert name of local grocer] ‘cos its the freshest around”. Or readers could be provided with some relief from what has otherwise become the deadliest stretch of these pages by putting a little subletted space aside for a Sudoku puzzle.

Alternatively, space could be found for a much-needed Halesowen and Rowley Regis readers’ forum on the subject of Boris Johnson’s performance as Mayor of London.

Speaking of whom, may I take this opportunity to wish James Morris a very Happy New Year.

Finally, it only seems appropriate to conclude this letter on an extremely positive environmental note with thanks for the continuing success of the excellent Halesowen News electronic edition. Keep it up please! Simon Roberts, Halesowen